Do you know a “Smartest Person In The Room”?
By Sandra Oliver, Impact Founder
Have you ever had a conversation with someone who says things like, “I already knew that” or “I told you so”? Or they may use other “I’m smarter than you” comments, like “Great story, but that same thing happened to me in an even bigger way.”
They may not use these exact words, but we all know someone like this. Someone who thinks they’re the “smartest person in the room” (SPITR).
When a SPITR says these things, they aren’t really thinking about the people they’re speaking to. They’re thinking about themselves. They’re thinking, “how can I ensure everyone else knows I already know all these facts or already had these experiences?”
SPITRs try to impress and gain respect
Now think about the people the SPITR is talking to. The listeners now feel that the SPITR isn’t really interested in their opinion or experiences. I’m sure for most SPITRs, that isn’t the intention. The SPITR is focused on proving how smart they are so they can impress people and gain respect.
What happens, however, is the opposite.
Making these types of statements alienates SPITRs from others, rather than bringing them closer. People are generally not impressed. They feel dismissed.
If the listener has a high EQ, these kinds of comments may even cause them to question the SPITR’s confidence. Does a confident person need to prove they’re the smartest person in the room? Generally, not.
So, what’s the alternative to SPITR statements?
Show you’re interested by staying present and focused
When someone shares information, advice, or a story, rather than “one upping” them, we can say “thank you”, “that’s so interesting”, or “tell me more”. We can ask follow-up questions, like, “how did that go?” or “has that happened to you before?”. We can show some interest in other person’s experiences and demonstrate that we’re present and focused on what they have to say.
If the story is a challenging one, instead of responding with, “I told you so” or “that happened to me in a worse way”, we can offer support and say something like, “that’s too bad. That outcome must be upsetting for you.” Or we can ask follow-up questions, like, “how do you feel about that?” or “what do you think you’ll do next?”
With these kinds of replies, the other person will feel supported, listened to, and more connected to us.
And I’d be willing to bet most people already know who’s smart. Being smart is usually self-evident and really doesn’t need to be pointed out to others.
IMPACT can help
Do you know someone who could benefit from Individual Coaching to help gain confidence and flourish in their career? Contact us.
