Everyone isn’t a narcissist

The downsides to labeling people who don’t see things our way 

By Sandra Oliver, Impact Founder

Spend five minutes on LinkedIn or in a leadership workshop and you’ll hear it. “Too many narcissistic leaders.” “My former boss was a narcissist.” “The corporate world rewards narcissism.”

But when a psychological term becomes a cultural buzzword, it’s worth asking: are we using it accurately – or just conveniently?

Narcissistic traits are actually quite common and True Narcissistic Personality Disorder is rare

In clinical psychology, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a diagnosable condition. It’s defined by persistent grandiosity, intense need for admiration, and lack of empathy that significantly impairs functioning.

The best estimates suggest about 1 to 2% of the population meet the criteria for NPD. That matters, because if every difficult executive or confident manager gets labeled a narcissist, the word loses its usefulness.

For psychologists, narcissism exists on a continuum, showing up in varying degrees from one person to the next.

It includes traits, such as strong self-confidence, a desire for recognition, comfort with visibility and status, and assertiveness in pursuing goals. 

The thing is, these are also the traits of strong leaders because leadership selection often rewards people with these traits. These leaders can drive bold decisions and strategic action. They can inspire people and sway public perceptions.

But when narcissistic tendencies tilt too far, they can also create problems inside teams. These leaders can often be hypersensitive to criticism, blame others for failures, dominate conversations and decisions, prioritize personal recognition over team outcomes, and reduce psychological safety. That’s when teams start to feel the impact.

The risk of the narcissist label

There’s another problem with the current cultural conversation about narcissism. The term is increasingly being used as a moral judgment, rather than a psychological description. When leaders or employees label someone a “narcissist,” it often shuts down deeper analysis of what’s actually happening. Is the problem:

• Poor emotional regulation?
• Low empathy?
• Insecurity masked as confidence?
• Power without accountability?
• Lack of leadership development?

Each of these are very different issues, requiring different solutions.

Overusing the narcissist label reduces precision in how we understand and develop our leaders. It can also stigmatize people in ways that make honest feedback and coaching harder.

Instead of asking, “Is this leader a narcissist?”, we should ask more useful questions that reveal far more about leadership quality than a personality label ever will:

• Do people feel psychologically safe around this leader?
• How does the leader respond to criticism or disagreement?
• Do they elevate the mission or primarily themselves?
• Do they share credit or absorb it?
• Does their confidence expand the team – or shrink it?

These questions help us understand our leaders better as whole people, with all their inherent strengths and weaknesses. They also help us better define what we value in our leaders and the kind of culture we want them to model.

Healthy leadership can benefit from a bold identity – which may include some narcissistic traits – but it also requires strong self-awareness, and a deep sense of accountability.

Understanding leaders more deeply is what allows them to grow. And when we ask better questions, we ultimately build better leaders – and better workplaces.